GET DIVORCED! You're only a few minutes away from knowing how...

It is the age old question that burns through the minds of both men and women... how on earth did I get myself into this and what's the fastest way out?

Marriage is the union of a man and woman to the exclusion of all others (a note that more people should remember) in matrimony. Every day thousands of people worldwide share a promise of love and declare that they have found the person that they want sitting beside them in the chair when they are eighty years old and helping them up to go to bed at night. But, somewhere between this declaration of love and assistance in standing something is happening. That's right, something is going terribly wrong and most people will be helped up by their fellow divorced friend as their EX husband/wife and children have better things to do with their lives than this.

It is to this end that a carefully constructed list has been written in order to prevent the hassle of actually having to be with the person for maybe ten years before leaving. If you leave early, you may still be young enough to do it a few more times.

1) Ignorance. There is nothing more important in a marriage than communication. Prior to getting married people should really learn how they argue with their future partner and establish if they have the ability to understand and listen to each other. Nobody ever thinks they are wrong when they fight. Remember this. While you believe that it is so clear that your partner is wrong, they wouldn't be fighting with you if they thought they were. So this is why marriage takes a bit of stepping into someone else's shoes. Sure, you can be angry at them still but if you at least try to act out in your head what their motivation is then you can possibly talk them to a middle ground. If you find it impossible to empathize with your partner or ever back down from an argument just for the sake of keeping the peace then you are a great candidate for the ignorance element and are well on your way to getting out of that marriage sooner than you expect. You're one of the lucky ones.

2) Lie. A good relationship is apparently built on trust so the sooner you can loose that the better. Keep phone numbers of ex boyfriends in your phone and call them when you have a fight with your husband. Visit ex girlfriends in the lunch hour and tell your wife that you are with a male friend. This is only effective if they catch you doing it though because if your lie isn't caught out then they may still trust you. So to ensure you are caught, when you are called by someone you have lied to your partner about, quickly let your face stiffen up and eyes pop open as you scurry to silence your phone and talk in words (not a sentence) saying things such as, 'oh, um and yeah.' And to be really effective tell them the first time your wife asks you who it was that it was Abdullah calling and the second time they ask say it was Hameed. You will be on your way not only to a divorce but to a hefty bill from a private eye as your partner sets out to catch you in your schemes.

3) Revoke Affection. That's correct. You and your partner must no longer have physical contact of any kind. If you can, try to throw things to them if they ask you for something. This will prevent any accidental touching of finger tips. (Note: This may be more difficult if you have a baby and are passing the baby to your partner because babies don't throw very well.) Touching is a sign of caring. It shows that you haven't had enough of the person emotionally and mentally and you want to be more at one with them. This is why this step is a great way to not only end the marriage and lead to step number four, but it is also a great way to build number five.

4) Cheat. Self explanatory. But, for those who think that cheating is ONLY the 'S' word... it's not! Let me elaborate. The following ARE considered cheating: having an emotional affair where you share everything important to you with another person or spend hours talking to another person and 'supporting' them while your partner sits at home with no one to talk to and lonely and kissing and taking another person on a 'date' are considered cheating as well.

5) Be unsupportive and constantly remind your partner that they are worthless. Lowering someones self esteem can have a great impact on their love for you. If you married for love then this is one of the elements that can really get rid of that feeling for you so divorce can come faster. The sooner your partner believes that you think they are everything bad in this world rolled into a ball, a fat ball at that because you will also have to convince them they are fat and ugly, the sooner they will agree to a divorce to try to hopefully find someone who doesn't think they are this. Well, that's wrong actually, the sooner they will get away from you and hide themselves in a locked house with the lights off not wanting to bother the world with the horrible person you have convinced them they are. Not only are you on your way to a divorce with this one, but you have successfully destroyed the person you once loved. Good work.

6) Quit work and stay at home doing nothing but watching television. Talk about the people in the sitcoms as though they are your friends and you think what happened on TV that day really happened. When your partner tries to get you to work or do something with your life, pretend there is something physical that is preventing you from working. The slacker you seem, the more disgusted they will become with you. And one more thing, you CAN NOT do anything around the house. If your partner is out all day and they come home and you have cleaned the house and done the washing, picked up the kids, made dinner etc. then they will be happy you aren't working because you are working at home and making home life easier for them. This is why it is not only fundamental but ESSENTIAL that you do NOT lift a finger around the house. When your partner comes home from work, just before you tell them about what Billy and Allison (your friends who live in Melrose Place) are up to, you should ask them to clear away the pizza box on the floor because it's starting to irritate you having to look at it.

7) Finally, do not celebrate anything important to them and stop referring to them as anything. Kind words go a long way. People like to hear the words 'darling' or 'sweetheart' because it makes them feel important. Now, how are you going to achieve number five if you are making your partner feel important? And what do you think a birthday present says? Or remembering an anniversary? Obviously it means 'I think you're important enough to celebrate' and that's NOT what you want them thinking! Get it together, you need to be out of this within a year so you can move on with your life. The sooner the better. In one whole year you can miss at LEAST three special events (Birthday, Valentines day and Anniversary). If you can manage to pull off all three of them and feel no remorse then you are not only better at ending marriages then most, but we can pretty much establish that you'd be a pretty bad friend as well. What a gem. You won't even need the how to be a bad friend article!

So, while there are many more things that will end a marriage, if the above doesn't then you are well on the way to it. Remember, marriage is something that involves work on both parts. It doesn't just happen. Love does float out some days and you need to have respect for your partner so there is always something holding you together. Every argument doesn't have to have a winner. If you want a marriage to work sometimes you DO have to lose an argument you know you are right in. This is why marriage is worth getting out of quick! Who wants someone to care about you when you could have a new person care about you every night? Well, until the money runs out or the skin starts to sag anyway.

So, who's the building for?

People must look at Dubai and at all of the construction going on with hotels and apartments and wonder who on earth will occupy all of these dwellings? Undoubtedly the population and international fan fair of the U.A.E. is growing at an outstanding rate, but popularity doesn't put money in the piggy bank, so how a) do people afford to visit the U.A.E. and b) hotels find people who can afford to visit the U.A.E.?

This query spirals from the realisation that there are some people with a lot of excess money. Note that it says excess money, not merely money. The going rate for a hotel in Dubai is 2'000AED per night in the high season. This means that for a room to be occupied for a weeks duration, the guest is looking at a nice 14'000AED bill. That is not the half of the story. Most hotels in Dubai alone are fully booked during the high season. This means that during this time there are thousands of people in the country who can afford to spend 14'000AED on a roof over their head with a bed and sheets that they could have bought for that money! Kudos to the people who have worked hard to make that money and get themselves a lifestyle that provides that, but who are these people and how does someone become one? Everybody has bills to pay. Every day people stress worldwide about where the next payment will come from. And, those who don't stress are excited to realise that they may have a couple of hundred left over in their savings to go out to a nice restaurant on the weekend. So how much money does someone actually have to make for this hundred left over to become 14'000AED left over? And at what point do they stop saving for that rainy day?

Visitors to the country aside, it is the people who want to stay here that make me think of who will live in these apartments that are being built and why Dubai keeps investing.

A search will show you that the cheapest rental property available in DUBAI is at international city where an occupant can get a one bedroom or studio apartment for 48'000AED per year. This obviously works out to 4'000AED per month. A university graduate is offered a starting salary of 6'000AED per month. Meaning it is literally impossible for a graduate to live alone. Therefore they must be wiped out of the category of who is living in these apartments being built. Alternatively, the next people up is men who are sending their money back to their families. Now, most of these people don't make 4'000AED in a month so choose to live with 25 other people in this one bedroom apartment so they can afford the rent. But, wait a minute, that is illegal, so, no, cross them off the list too, they also couldn't be occupying these dwellings. It works out that the people who live in the cheapest accommodation are young late twenty early thirty year olds who have hit Dubai as their second job in life with some experience under their belt and want to travel the world but do so respectable, not just the typical hit Europe and backpack way. For these people their salary is normally 12'000-15'000 and they can afford to have both the apartment and their car loan. But they won't get anywhere more expensive then this because they don't want to waste their hard earned money. They will stay in their 4'000AED per month one bedroom apartment until they leave the country. So this still leaves us with the question of who will rent these expensive apartments that are being built in masses?

The answer that seems to come up often is it is the companies that will rent these apartments and villas. Companies provide housing allowances to their employees to put a roof over their head while they are in the country. This is why the U.A.E. keeps on building. As is well known, every company in the U.A.E. has a 51% Emirati owner. Therefore, the money goes out of their piggy bank, and paid as rent back into the country. The country then ensures that other nationals get jobs through Emiratisation so they continue to get the money back. It's as simple as transferring money from the left to the right hand.

So next time you look out the window at all of the construction going on and ask yourself who will occupy them... the answer is that Dubai will.

Ramadan - A lesson in success

It is that beautiful for some, dreaded for the rest, time of the year again... that is right... it's Ramadan! For one month each year, Muslims worldwide spend their long days removing themselves from the usual leisure of food, water, affection and smoking (and for some work!) to take a lesson in self control. Speaking from a first time faster, what a lesson that is for me. I had never known before just what an incredible feeling it is to look at the clock at almost six and literally get excited with the joy that I had only once known as that I had experienced at Christmas. I feel child like again when I know that in only twenty odd minutes I have made it through another day, I have succeeded.

Success. That is what it does to a person. We seldom set ourselves realistic goals to achieve. Many of us throw around how we want to loose 30kilos, how we want to make a million Dirham or how we will get that promotion, but because all of these things take time to achieve we never truly feel a consistent successful level in life so are never truly proud of ourselves. This is why for me this Ramadan has meant something. It has allowed me to feel successful and has reminded me that I am capable of achieving what I put my mind to, regardless of the size of the accomplishment.

When a person has a high regard for themselves they will strive further. Setting small goals and feeling the success of it is what will provide you the endurance to aim for the larger goals and know that you are capable of reaching the end with consistent props of success (small goals achieved) along the way for motivation and reiteration. Life is upward, not linear. If we remain where we are waiting to achieve one long term goal and setting no short term ones we will lose sight of why we are trying.

For me, this was Ramadan. It has provided me thus far with over a weeks worth of success and has more to come. Set yourself a goal today if Ramadan doesn't do that for you. Your goal may be to only have 19 cigarettes instead of 20, it may be to tell everyone you know at least one kind thing about them, but whatever it is plan a small reward for yourself for achieving it. Who said that we don't deserve to be appreciated in life? You are someone worth celebrating and it's time you remind yourself of that. Learn from your successes that you can do anything you want in life.

Viva Ramadan Kareem!

THE DUBAI EYE

Welcome to the Dubai Eye! My own personal blog where I talk about anything and everything that comes to my head on a given day. This could be a discussion about politics or even about chewing gum but regardless of the content I will think it through and post it out. Better out of the mind then in it! You may need to remember one day what you think about things, we aren't young forever!

I am a freelance writer so if you would like to contact me to write something for you please contact me directly through the blog.

Kalli